A Reader's Ramblings
  • Home
  • About
  • Books
  • Travel Photos

My Ramblings on World Suicide Prevention Day

9/11/2016

2 Comments

 
Yesterday was World Suicide Prevention Day and I had lofty goals of writing a moving post on what living with suicide means to me. It's something that has always been present. A shadow in the corner that can reach out and grab people when you least expect it. Not something I saw on TV or a movie, but a monster that was real, that came for people I knew. 

I was going to talk about my first brush with it when I was in Elementary school and a friends father lost his battle and how watching my friends family deal with it was confusing and scary. I can clearly remember standing in my babysitters house (where we all went after school) trying to figure out what exactly was happening  

I was going to talk about how, in high school, a classmate was self harming my parents helped to get her help. How that classmate didn't talk to me for a long time because my family had exposed a secret she wasn't ready for people to know about. How I felt like we had done the right thing, but somehow had still betrayed someone. It was a weird and confusing time. 

I was going to talk about freshman year of college when my anxiety really reared it's ugly head and I felt the monster creeping up on me for the first time. It hovered on the edges of my mind as I tried to figure out how I would survive a place that I hated with people I didn't like. I was going to talk about driving out to the state park and staring at the waterfall and thinking, "What the hell am I doing here?" and then transferring to a new college that would be the right one for me, where a dance teacher would see my anxiety and get me help finding strategies and coping mechanisms and teach me to relax.

I was going to talk about how my cousin lost his battle a few years ago and how, even though we weren't super close, there are moments when I feel his absence so acutely that it seems like a tangible thing that I could reach out and touch. Like at the ARC race yesterday when watching the awards ceremony I felt my breath leave my body as I remembered that time he won and we cheered so loud for him from the crowd. How running carries a different weight now that he is not off in the distance running somewhere in front of me, leading the way. 

I was going to talk about how my husband walked down the stairs last fall to tell me that his mom's boyfriend (who, for all purposes was basically a husband) had lost his battle and that his mom had found him just hours before at the warehouse they ran together. How my mind raced through the what ifs... how I struggled to find the right emotion because it was becoming all too common to see people die. 

I was going to talk about how I worry sometimes that my anxiety will morph into something worse and that there might come a time when I will face that battle too... I haven't really yet, any thoughts of suicide have always been fleeting and abstract. A concept that is there, lingering in the shadows but never a real option, there have always been far too many reasons to live, and if we're being honest, my anxiety almost instantly produces a list of all the ways a suicide can go wrong and the idea of actually doing something like that has always been far more terrifying then not doing it ... but my life experiences tell me that the monster can come for you when you don't see it coming and even those people who seem to have it together can fight and still fall. 

I was going to talk about all those things yesterday, but couldn't. My brain was not in the right place, work has already taken a toll on my nerves. My resolve to be positive and happy is already waning. I've had to deploy my plans to keep myself balanced way earlier then I thought I would. This weekend I planned a camping trip with friends and bought my autograph package to meet Misha Collins. I tried to write this post probably 5 times yesterday, each time staring at a blank screen, my mind wandering to all the things that can and might go wrong. My anxiety coming alive and taking over, the idea of writing about suicide feeding the beast and sending my brain into overdrive. So I stopped even trying to write, because why do something that causes you pain? Instead we went and played in the creek at the park and tried to catch fish with our bare hands. We went for a bike ride and had a back yard campfire. When insomnia came to visit I watched TV and did homework. And I did what I do best. I researched what other people were saying, and I'll share that below. In the absence of my own words, I'll share theirs. 

So it's a new day and even though this isn't the post I had planned, it is the one that I can write today. There are so many more people out there that are writing very honestly and eloquently about suicide and suicide prevention, I'll link to some of the best that I saw below. There are a lot of resources out there if you do need help. Don't forget, if you are feeling lost or alone, if suicide feels like the only option left, remember that there are people out there who will help you. People who will lift you up. Call someone, a friend or a hotline, whatever works for you and get help. Tomorrow will be a new day and you deserve to be there too. 
Picture
If you need help, the National Suicide Prevention lifeline is always available. You can call their hotline at 1-800-273-TALK or you can visit their website to access additional resources, including a live chat function.  

From their website: "When you dial 1-800-273-TALK (8255), you are calling the crisis center in the Lifeline network closest to your location. After you call, you will hear a message saying you have reached the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. You will hear hold music while your call is being routed. You will be helped by a skilled, trained crisis worker who will listen to your problems and will tell you about mental health services in your area. Your call is confidential and free"  

Picture
To Write Love on Her Arms is a non-profit that looks to provide help to those suffering with depression, addiction, self-injury and suicide.

Check out the blog post where they write about why and how they picked their theme for this year's World Suicide Prevention Day. 

Also- check out their website to learn more about all the great work they are doing around the world to foster hope. 
Picture
Jared Padalecki reminds us that we are all enough. 
Padalecki has worked with TWOHA for awhile- here he talks about his own struggles and his Always Keep Fighting campaign. 
Actor and advocate Wentworth Miller and The Mighty Site
posted this video about living
​with depression. 
Picture
Author Maggie Stiefvater talks about what she needed to hear. 
A Collection of other articles and images
Picture
Some warning signs
Erin Summers talks about Living with Suicide and highlights one of my biggest fears- that my daughter will view suicide as a viable option when things get bad. 
The Mighty has several excellent reads that are worthy of your time. here are a few- go check out their website for so many more. 

​Why Suicide Prevention Month is hard as a Suicide Attempt Survivor by B.L. Acker

A Letter to my Suicidal Thoughts by Taylor Jones

41 Secrets of Suicide Attempt Survivors by Megan Griffo 
Picture
2 Comments
B. L. Acker link
9/22/2016 01:37:09 am

I stumbled onto your blog and felt the need to write. I wanted to sincerely thank you for sharing something so personal with the world because I know firsthand how hard it can be to put that much of ourselves out there, especially when the topic hits so close to home and leaves us feeling so vulnerable.

You have strength and bravery beyond measure, not only for facing the stigma of mental illness head on, but for continuing to face your demons and fight each day to keep living. Please never doubt that your words matter or make a difference - there are so many people in the world today who are struggling to keep going, who haven't found their voice, who feel all alone and are afraid that no one understands and nothing will ever get better. Your words won't fall on deaf ears. Others will read them and harness their power to fight another day.

Lastly, I wanted to thank you from the bottom of my heart for including a link to one of my blogs in your collection of noteworthy things to read. It is humbling beyond measure every time someone reads something I have written and deems it worthy of sharing. I write hoping people can relate and that a dialogue can be started. I hope, with each piece I put out into the world, to combat the stigma and encourage others to speak out and get the help they need.

Stay strong and my sincere gratitude for sharing my work.

Reply
Kate link
9/23/2016 03:35:24 pm

Thank you so much for your kind words. This past Suicide Prevention Day was a tough one and I hadn't expected it to be. Your post definitely helped me process my thoughts and gave me a great resource to pass on to friends when I couldn't explain why I was stuck in my own head. Thank you for being so vocal and providing another voice for everyone who needs it!

Reply



Leave a Reply.

                                            About
    Home of the ramblings of an avid reader. In my spare time I also run, ride, teach, go on adventures and get into shenanigans. 

    ​Find me here: 
    Goodreads
    Twitter
    Instagram
    ​Etsy
    TikTok
    Professional Reader
    Picture

    RSS Feed

    2022 Reading Challenge

    2022 Reading Challenge
    Kit has read 38 books toward their goal of 70 books.
    hide
    38 of 70 (54%)
    view books

    Kit's bookshelf: 2022

    Never Ever Getting Back Together
    it was amazing
    Never Ever Getting Back Together
    by Sophie Gonzales
    Ain't Burned All the Bright
    it was amazing
    Ain't Burned All the Bright
    by Jason Reynolds
    You Better Be Lightning
    really liked it
    You Better Be Lightning
    by Andrea Gibson
    Lucky Leap Day
    really liked it
    Lucky Leap Day
    by Ann Marie Walker
    Café Con Lychee
    it was amazing
    Café Con Lychee
    by Emery Lee

    goodreads.com

    Categories

    All
    Art
    Author Interview
    Book Review
    Books
    Convention
    Guitars
    Hiking
    Kayaking
    Louden Swain
    NetGalley
    North Face
    Photography
    Race Recap
    Reading
    Running
    Runnnerbox
    #SPNFamily
    Star Wars
    Supernatural
    Trail Running
    Travel
    Wilderness
    Yellowstone

    Archives

    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    April 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    November 2019
    October 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    April 2017
    February 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    September 2016
    August 2016
    February 2016
    November 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014

Proudly powered by Weebly
  • Home
  • About
  • Books
  • Travel Photos