And that's the thing that makes it hard- when you are in it, when you feel the darkness pressing in, when you can't stop your mind from racing and playing the "what if" game, when you start to wonder if you are going crazy, you really feel like it's never going to stop. Then it does. For me, my anxiety makes me live with the constant worry that at any moment I'll slip back into a panic attack, or depression. I no longer know my triggers, so the fear of going back to that place is a tangible thing that I think about at least once a day. Luckily for me I've been fine since early September. I know it's just a matter of time though before I'll be asked to fight again and that's okay, because this is who I am and I've at least managed to find some new ways to cope.
Which brings me to some updates.
Back in September I talked about a few plans I had for staying ahead of the beast. One was to get a few new tattoos- some quotes that mean a lot, that I return to when I'm feeling myself slip.
They are still a little red in these pics because they are new, but I'll update with less raw pics when they heal a bit.
The top one says (in Italian) "We are all a little broken, always keep fighting" and the bottom one says "Be kind to yourself so you will be happy enough to be kind to the world"
I also hit up Chittenango Waterfall Park on Monday and got to run around with my kid, which is always fun. It was a perfect way to spend a day off from school!
So in other words- I'm coping, I'm dealing, I'm using all the strategies I laid out for myself so that I can try to avoid the anxiety and be happy. And so far it's working.
I always suck at wrapping up posts, so I'll just say, Get help if you need it. Always keep fighting. Find your happy and go for it.